My soul is getting restless

I could not have said this any better....




New cd hits stores November 17th and he is coming to Calvary Chapel Tallahassee November 8th!

Amidst

Staring all around. Encircling in. Their backs are what shield them from the glory of perfection. The heart breaks and the ground feels the heavy tears fall. They are all so blinded to what is in their grasp. They don’t see the jealousy raging inside. The jealousy of a fervent desire to see their faces. Do they know what they are doing? Do they see the broken, man-made, conditional possessions they have put before them? It will fail them. Their own dreams and desires drive them to turn away, yet if only they could let go. If only they knew the compromise they were making. They will not leave behind a legacy of significance, but of worldly praise. Little do they not know the eternal glory of surrender. Oh that they would let go. And that’s all they must do. Let. So much easier to let go then to keep holding on. They are drowning in their own vitality, gasping for a breath they don’t realize is already there. They strive to make it to shore, yet all they need to do is stop struggling. They suffer and fight for their own perfection. Yet to survive all they need to do is give up. No need to drown. No need to squander for ideals. All they must do is turn.

The fingers begin to quiver as the moisture of the hands cause them to slip. Will they give up the fight of their failing idols? The struggle continues, as their flesh fights back but continues to get weaker. There is no power that will make them let go. True love and devotion comes when it is an act of the free choice and not of power. Yet the jealousy of unconditional love is driving the cry of salvation. Seeing them struggle in their own blood, the heart cries out to “Live!"

“Time of love” came upon you. Your heart was finally softened. All this time you hung by your fingertips to something that was going to fail, yet right behind you was the Living Water. Your face continued to look down, knowing that even though the desire to look upon the Magnificent burned within you, the shame of your brokenness drenched you with humility. Still guilt ridden of your blood and filth, the coolness of the clean water washed over your body. You became clean, and new, as if it never happened. Naked and ashamed, the oil sanctified your soul and you know this is when

“You became MINE”

Ezekiel 16

Nonsense

I have a problem. I love to read. But as time goes on and I run out of reading my favorite books (fiction and non fiction alike) over again, I have the hardest time finding new material! I go the "christian" section of Borders and I am faced with 2 options: either a watered down "everything is perfect with Jesus and if you give me money" book or ones that I really question is the author has ever read the Bible. So I venture out into the more "secular" sections and am bombarded with Vampires who wish they were Edward Cullen and sappy romance novels that cause my stomach to churn. Oh how I wish there was something new and fresh out that wouldn't make my brain go to mush, but would cause me to think and step outside my realm of reality.

Who knows... maybe its me.

Break

I sit. My heart is racing and I cant seem to stay still. I start to ask what is happening to me? Before the thought finishes racing across my head, I knew the answer. I enter in and realize how deprived I was. Dry and weak- I had been fighting a battle and I was weary.

"It wasn't enough for You to save my soul, set me free and make me Whole.
But You had a plan for me, A destiny for my life...."

But the question remains: What is it? Where Am I going?

"For me, it isn't enough to take your name, accept your gift and remain the same.
I want to honor you and bless you all of my days"

But Your fire burns within and I cant help but surrender. Lord to see this sleeping generation arise, knowing we are no longer forsaken into the darkness. But that we are able to lift our eyes and see Your glory on the earth. Arise.

Calm

This is the calm before the storm. My life is about to get ridiculous. And not to say these past few weeks haven’t been, but now is time it all comes to reality. Just to let my fellow bloggers aware of the events that God has placed in my life:

1. I got a car. Let me rephrase that, I BOUGHT a car. Yep, my first adult purchase was made this past Tuesday and now the pretty little car that I can really call mine is sitting in the driveway. It may seem like a small stepping stone to some, but it was a big leap for Laura Jean.

2. My little brother (who, when people ask me how old he is, I still picture him as a 10 year old) is going to the CC worship school next week. This whole thing was a down right, cant call it anything other than what it is, miracle. Not because Jordan might not have gotten excepted (if anyone has been to Calvary Chapel service in the past year, you will know that is not the case), but because we (as in my parents) didnt know how it was all going to come together. Yet, once again God was guiding us the whole time. Through out the whole process, I think everyone in my family was a little tense and stressed.... except my dad. If you had asked him the day we found out Jordan was getting scholarships what he felt inside, he would of said “today is the day.” I don't know about you Pops, but I felt relief, excitement and was telling God is was about dadgum time! But no, not my dad. I asked him why he wasnt more relieved- he responded with “if wasn't today, it would be tomorrow. I never for a second doubted God wouldn’t provide.”

3. Once we return from taking Jordan to Ft. Laurderdale, I move in with one of my good friends, Beth. (within 6 months my parents will have gone from all 3 living at the house, to none. Mom is going to have to get a dog) I have lived on my own before, but never in town. Going to be something to get used to.

4. FSU FOOTBALL SEASON! I have not been in town for a FSU season in 3 years! I am excited for this one to start. The tailgating, the excitement, the never-ending bleeding of garnet and Gold- even when we aren't all that good. But, just as every other fan, I will remain optimistic.

5. Wedding number two! I will be heading to Northern California for my friend Jamie’s wedding and am so excited! Not only will I get to stand next to her and be part of her special day, but selfishly I am excited to see many of my CCBC friends (including my bestie Meg). Some of these people I haven't seen in over a year and it will be good to be around them. I know there will be an abundance of laughter and amazing memories and let me tell you.. I need it!

I look at my list, and realize how blessed I truly am. These past few weeks have been anything but easy and I am so excited to see what all the Lord has in store. Lots of changes, but I have to remind myself how in the midst of it all, God is still God and I am always surprised at where He takes me.

Arise

As I slip my clean, freshly pedicured feet into my shoes, I have to remind myself it is a blessing. I look down and realize this is not the first pair of shoes I have owned, nor is it going to be the last. I glance in my closet and notice my shelves no longer hold all my shoes; they are spilling out onto the floor. Guilt washes over me and my heart breaks because I know how, too often, I take it all for granted.

In the past three years I have been given opportunities to open my eyes, expand my world and take a bird's eye view of the lives around me. After escaping my southern comfort zone and gaining perspective from all over the world, my heart began yearning for change, and it hasn’t stopped. I become impatient for revival and for the roots of peoples lives to be shaken. I long to see people’s lives changed and impacted. But it will not happen by itself; the fruit cannot spring up without seeds being planted. I cannot make a difference without first getting off the couch, leaving what I know to be comfortable and doing something radical. In order to do something that has never been done before, I must live a life that has never been lived before. I have to ask myself, what is the point of knowing the needs in other people's lives and repressing it, acting as if they don't exist? Acting as if everything is okay?

It is beyond the time we wake from our sleep and step into the darkness of this world. As I walk the streets of my town, or sit and watch as people meander by, I want to scream at them because they don't see it. I sense in some people a comatose life, completely unaware of the world around us, the loss, suffering, and different lives that are taking place outside our self-created bubbles. I see blinding that keeps people from seeing the reality of what is all around them. The reality that people are going without. Without food, clean water, shoes, hope, love, grace, redemption.

But, the veil has been lifted from my face. I have seen the poverty and the less privileged of this world and I can't stop thinking about it. And I struggle to wrap my mind around all that is happening. I am sensitive to the reminders and they give me a little more clarity, my eyes opened a little more.

So what can I do? What must I do? I look down at my feet and am reminded "how beautiful are the feet that carry." As I raise my head, stand up a littler straighter, put on my eternal mindset and begin to be awakened once more to the world around me, I take a step forward. The reality is, my heart knows. The truth is that I can't sit back any longer. I have given my life over to the One who created it, but now it’s time I move.

This past week I was blessed enough to be involved in a ministry where we were able to give over 200 kids a new pair of shoes. But the blessing was found in the act. As the children would come and sit in front of us, we would remove their old shoes and wash their feet clean. As we did this, we would tell them about how Jesus, who loves you, loved His freinds so much, he washed their feet! As I was washing a little boy's feet, not sure if he was paying attention to what I was saying, he surprised me and asked, "Why feet?"

So I was left to wonder, why feet??

Our feet carry us all of our lives and hold us up. They lead us and take us places that we would never have thought or imagined. Some good and some less so. When we get to the paths in life that aren't so smooth, the bumps more numerous and tricky, what do we do? We look down. Our heads drop and we look at our feet. My prayer is that each person who receives a pair of shoes can remember the hope and encouragement of that special day when their foot slipped into a whole new realm, represented by a shoe. And I pray the love and encouragement they received from the person who gave it to them will remind them to lift their head. That even though right now is tough, tomorrow is a new day. And their newly protected (and loved) feet will carry them.

And it all starts by putting one foot in front of another. So let's go. One shoe at a time.

prayer

I desire the consuming fire that will lead my prayers to be directed at my God. I desire this fire that the world cannot explain. I desire the passion that will bring me to my face between my knees. The passion that I cannot obtain or hold in. I refuse to sit with uncalloused knees. To stand with the words being recited from my mind. But to worship my Lord with the Spirit of Truth. I will not have the heart of an uninvolved, undevoted, indifferent pretender. I desire a life that is encompassed with the sweet fellowship of Jesus and is solid in my trust in Him. I want to hit my broken and bruised knees when the sun rises and sit at the feet of my Savior. I want the Holy Spirit to be overflowing in me and interceding- for I am at a lost of what to say. For no person is greater than the prayer life in whcih he posses- when we are not praying we are straying. When we are straying we are not pursing the holiest relationship we could obtain. Our praying needs to be that of God's servant and chosen prophet Elijah. A man who was just like us- but is an example of a payer life that pressed and pursued. That had an abundant energy that never grows weary and a persistence that has an encouraging fixation upon the Lord.

So I have to ask my broken and straying heart to humble itself and enter in. I have to put my life away and focus on the Giver of all things. For I know who I am and whose I am. I must go in and expect to be blessed and given hope. I desire to have the markings and evidence of to whom I belong.

I leave with passion.

"The call of the cross, therefore, is to enter into the passion of Christ.
We must have upon us the mark of the nails." Gordon Watt