Becoming ripe

[Am I allowed to use this to vent? Sure. Why not? The worst that could happen is that you stop reading while my words still hang in the blogging world.]

apathy.

So often, me included, we catch ourselves being dead. There is nothing worse then going through the motions and not feeling anything. It amazes me how often we put the needs of humans above the call in which God has put on our lives: to glorify Him. As humans we are naturally selfish and think about ourselves. And as Christians we are taught to serve others and have our eyes on anyone but ourselves. But where is our ultimate focus? So often, we see a physical need that must be met, but are we really doing it to honor Him?

What is serving if it cost us nothing? What is giving if we gave up nothing? How ever much you sacrifice, shows how much it is worth. Jesus came to this earth to heal the sick, so that is where we ought to be found. He came and sacrificed all because He believed we were worth it. Yet how often do we sit in the seats of our churches, listen to the words being spoken and just leave? We come, "sit and soak" yet we are too often that of an undevoted pretender. We come and show love with our lips, yet our hearts are pursuing something else entirely.

Sit and soak. But don't start to drip.

[ok. I'm done. off my soap box now.]

Allure

Therefore, behold, I will allure her,
Will bring her into the wilderness,
And speak comfort to her. Hosea 2:14

It seems the patience is growing thin. I feel the tug to move forward. But I like this place. I like this feeling. Its comfortable. But something inside me wont stop itching. I am restless and I realize that there is more. I realize that its not over yet. I need to trust. I grab the hand and hold on tight. My body is shaking as the combination of fear and excitement of the unknown crowd my thoughts. The pace picks up and I feel as if my feet are barley touching the ground. As I sweep the floor beneath me, I feel the grip of my security let go. I slow down and realize I am alone. I have never been here before. The fear of abandonment over takes me. As the panic rushes to my thoughts, I start to look for some sort of outlet. But nothing. I am here. I was allured and taken to this wilderness of uncertainty. Where am I? Why am I here? This is not what I imagined, this is not what I had thought. My mind Continues to spin as my thoughts run in circles trying to figure out what is going on. My heart drops at the thought of the false hope I have been standing on. Are my dreams just nonsensical ideals? Then, almost as if someone stepped into a room, a hush fell over my mind. My thoughts quieted. My heart slowed. I couldn't quiet name the feeling that was consuming me. Comfort. I have comfort in this wilderness.

Nothing

I wish I had something to blog about that is happening in my life. But all I know is that I am busy. Busy is good for me- otherwise I think and think and think and the never ending thoughts consume my brain and get me into trouble.
What is it that keeps me busy? Childrens Ministry. Friends. Youth group. Planning next summer's trip to Ireland. Family. and of course Jesus.

For the next 7 weekends I have plans. (vaca in 2010?)

All things are good. Great actually. Yet they continue to keep me on my toes.

p.s. still looking for a hobby once I am no longer a cripple (10 more days of the boot!)

Draw near

“...for I will not leave you until I have done what I have spoken to you.”
Genesis 28:15

The leaves change, the flowers bloom and our lives continue on. Just as the season change in our world, our lives are ever changing and constant. The anticipation for the coming fall or bloom is always around a corner as we often eagerly look ahead. I am constantly having to remind myself that I am in a time of preparation. I have been brought here to this place, on this path, cause I am to be be rooted. When the time comes I will be ready, but right now I am to be prepared. I am brought here to listen, to watch, to captivate and to draw near. As the next season approaches it will be in perfect timing. His timing. I am here cause He is not done. I may be justified, but I am not sanctified. My sanctification can only come through the willing act to abandon control and abide. I have no control over my justification- for His mercies are new every morning. My glorification is only going to be obtained when I enter in His presence. But my sanctification? That is a choice I have right now. I must stop, shut up, and let go. I must let the power that He had to conquer death, be the residing influence in me.

For He has spoken.

Lately

Lately... I have finally gotten my room to where I think it will be my new home (for now).

Lately... I broke my leg. Well actaully it happened about a month ago and i just found out about it. Typical Laura Colle fashion.


Lately... Ive been feeling restless. I cant stop twitching and trying to find that scratch that I cant itch. But what is it? Im involved. I read. I pray. I try and get out of the way so He can do His thing. Yet here I am. Running in place.


Lately... I have been thinking a lot about the here after. (maybe thats why im restless) I know I dont belong here. I know no one does. Yet the urgency to bow to my face and stand in awe had grown beyond my own comprehension.

Lately... I have been wanting to write even more than usual. But about what?

Lately... I have been wanting to just go. Anywhere. Just to get in the car and drive. Roadtrip anyone?

Lately... I have been wanting to take more pictures.

Lately... I have been loving these two more and more.

Lately... I have been needing a hobby. Im not crafty, am a cripple at the moment and am poor. So much for a hobby.

Lately... I have been wanting to bake every free second I can. Maybe this weekend I can accomplish some of those favortie recipies.

Lately.... I think too much. Wait. That is always the case.

Turn the Corner

I turn the corner as the rocks prick my feet before I take another step. I open my eyes and realize I am looking down. I know my face should be looking up, yet I am hesitant to rise. The stoney pathway and the pain stare back at me and my heart twist in pain. The deception, the lies, the sin that caused this broken road. I feel the warmth rushed over me as the strength fills my body. I raise my head and see the endless road laid before me. I can see just enough for my own comfort, yet the curiosity is always growing. The trees and haze block me from seeing too far ahead as I continue to walk forward. The pain becomes sharper as the bottoms of my bare feet continue to become calloused. I cry out for something, anything to get through this. Will there ever be an end to this shattered dream?

I feel a hand slip into mine. With such grace it takes hold of my shaking feeble fist as mine relaxes in His. The gentle squeeze reminds me He is there, and always has been. The comfort of peace washes over my heart and I realize I was holding my breath. My shoulders fall and the tension eases. I feel the pain subside and I glance down. The rocks are fewer and far between. My feet are soft again as the sand cushions my toes.

I notice a turn in the path that is not too far away. What will this corner behold?

Dreamer

“Thinking time is not wasted time”
-Madeline L’Engle

My mind continues to boggle itself, as I feel the twist and turns of each rampant thought. Why my mind never seems to slow down is unknown to me. I am constantly thinking, over thinking and dreaming. But maybe that's who I am. Maybe I am a dreamer.
I have known I tend to dream big (and probably unrealistic) for some time know. I have known that what my hearts longs to do and the dreams I desire to see in reality are abundant. And because of my constant contemplating of what might happen, I more than often wonder what really will come to reality. What will my story be?

Perhaps it is a selfish way of thinking, but if we are honest we all do it on a everyday basis. One of the biggest qualms between man and God is the plan that lays before us. The plan that we do not see and have no idea where it is ending, other than the eternity we choose. Where is my path leading? Is that a turn or twist? Where are the bumps and valleys?

Where is Laura Jean Colle going to end up?

What is my story?