confessions of an ex-healthy person

My eyes open and I am greeted with the feeling that I know will help my day start off on a good foot: 

I feel skinny. 

Granted I am lying down and that is when gravity becomes your friend, but still, I feel skinny. As my feet hit the floor my mood is already starting off chipper as I look forward to wearing those skinny jeans and maybe, just maybe a non “I want to hide my tummy” shirt. I make my way to the full length mirror and am tempted to not take a look, afraid my early morning high will be deflated. I take a deep breath, lift my over sized sleep shirt just so, and yes! I cant believe it- my tummy, my Henry (yes it is named) actually looks flatter! There is a God! 

I had to stop myself from actually jumping up and down and letting out a “yipee!” I have been going to the gym, pushing myself a little bit and actually been eating pretty good. Ok, so when I get a bit overwhelmed I give in to that tempting bag of skittles and Diet Coke. But other then that, I have been on track and doing it right. 

       My eye catches the devil in the room. It has been neglected and collecting dust for months in fear of the truth it may behold. I dread the digital red numbers as they just keep going up and up and up and up. I have avoided this horrid invention as of late, but today, I feel as though I can face my dreaded total. I get rid of all what could be excess numbers and take a step on. The math begins and just so I don't give into the cowardliness of what it could be, I close my eyes. Silently I weight for the “beep beep”. Its finished. It has the results of what could be the end of my “skinny”. I open my eyes and my reality is faced.

WHAT THE?!?!?!?!?!?!

Its broken. It HAS to be broken. After all, I haven't used it in months so that means the possibility of a malfunction is high on the list. This cannot be right. 

My skinny is gone. done. depleted.

Ok- so I gave in a few times to the skittles. Maybe even to the mexican food. And the gym had been a little more scarce lately. But this? No. I am not suppose to see that number. I used to be this crazy health nut and had the will power of Jesus to say no to all things sweet and salty. Past few months- not so much. 

My skinny high is gone and I head to my closet, once again longing for winter so I can hide behind hoodies and scarves. I go for my default and grab the leggings that hold in Henry and a blouse top so I don't have to suck in. 

Sometimes I wish I didn't care so much and I could be one of those people who just lets it all hang out anyway. Wears tight tops and could give a flippin snicker bar if they had a roll over their waist. But I’m not that person and more power to you if you are! 

As for today, I will eat my sweet potatoes, drink my water, and munch on my carrots as I start over... again.