It started last week. It was a nice sunny day in mid November, I had been fairly busy at work and was heading that way when I heard that noise. You know, the ones that make your stomach drop to the floorboard, as our head falls back against the headrest. I took a deep breath and prayed it was the car next to me. I continued on my drive and then heard another sound- completely different than the one before. It was confirmation that today was not my day. I made the detour and pulled into the mechanic’s office. Within a few minutes I knew that things were not going to go my way. About as fast as I started praying so did my thoughts of all the worst possible scenarios. The news came and it was not pretty. I don’t understand, I tithed this month Lord, why are You doing this to me? Its Christmas and presents need to be bought, I have things to do, I am busy and this cannot consume my mind right now, let alone my bank account! Ahhh I need chocolate!
As I was sitting in my office later that afternoon, still holding my breath as I tried to strategize how I was going to handle all this sudden news, I had a realization: I was listening to my thoughts. I was listening to my heart and looking at the reality of the situation. I was focused on the numbers, the physical problems and what I could do. As a result my anxiety was shooting into the heavens. My heart was troubled.
“The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked…” Jeremiah 17:9
Just as fast as the panic attacked, the peace consumed me. The walls of fear, freight and anxiety came crashing down as the peace and unknown understanding took their place. I was reminded that we are children of God and He created us and this life. Nothing is a surprise to Him and as much as we to try and listen to our hearts, all we gain is desperate hope and deceitful wicked counsel. We must once again be brought to the place of humility and realization that we cannot do this on our own. That our ways, understandings and our hearts will fail. We are sanctified by the power of the Holy Spirit and who are we to say that God will not take care of us? For we are is His daughters, and He is our King.
And even though things are still up in the air (or down depending on how you look at it), I have to take refuge in the fact that life happens. But my God is bigger than life.
Take rest, for “my God shall supply all your need…”