Its amazing what happens when you are obedient. When you can take that step back, letting the humility wash over you, as you realize you really didn't know better.
This is what you wanted God? This is where you wanted me? Are you sure?
I tend to think I dream too big- but then I remember I serve a big God. That His ways surpass mine and even in the midst of confusion and only slight understanding, He continues to have grace upon me- revealing little glimpses of what is to come. I feel like a kid peaking inside the present closet before Christmas- all smiles and anticipation.
I know He loves me and whatever He has for me is going to be beyond what I can fathom. I tend to become that spoiled brat- demanding what I want right now. I take on the persona of Veruca Salt and often feel the need to be deemed a bad egg. (Willy Wokna people- stay with me). Then, once again, He lets me peak inside the closet. Just enough to give this spoiled brat's heart the ability to skip a beat- as I see that the years of praying, dreaming and yearning are actually going to happen.
I am my biggest problem. I am the one who gets in the way. Often we like to put the blame on the people, circumstances or the devil himself. Yet reality remains- I am the issue. If I would just get out of the way- imagine what God could do? Then again, in spite of me, in spite of my stubborn foolishness, He lets me in. He welcomes me into His presence and I am restored.
".....fit me for every scene and circumstance; stay my mind upon thee and turn my trials to blessings, that they may draw out my gratitude and praise as i see their design and effects. Render my obedience to thy will holy, natural, and delightful. ......help me to cultivate a disposition that renders every duty a spiritual privilege. Thus I may be content be a glory to thee and an example to others."
My eyes fall to my feet, as they stumble over Yours. The perfection of this dance, as You lead me through, leaves me breathless. Your hand gently draws my face back to Yours, as our eyes fixate on the reality that You are shepherding my aisle. I desire to get lost in You.
To rest in You.
To move when You move.
You lead me gracefully as I step on Your toes and You guide me with understanding as I once again, look down to watch my feet. I am reminded that it is not me who is leading- as much as I desire to take over. The anticipation of where I am going- where you are leading me- makes my heart race. I am reminded that You are in control. You are leading me and that leaves me in Your refuge of security and protection. You are strong and I am weak.
My flesh fails, as Your spirit over takes my heart. I must keep my eyes fixated on Your face, to trust in Your leading. My arms become weak and being to falter, but You hold them up with divine strength. I continue to lose myself in You- my feet move to Yours, my ways become Your ways. I may have perfected this dance, but You took me where I needed to go.