Monday, February 7, 2011


   It is 7 minutes into the new day and I am awake as my brain is going full speed. I cant seem to get this spaghetti brain of mine to shut off. I'm seeking and yearning and desiring more and cant seem to quench the thirst. I came across an old sweeping of my attic and it amazed me how I am still at this point. I am still here- in this wilderness.

Is that acceptable? Did I just suppress it? Was I ignoring it? Or was I just simply not ready to face it? 

It seems the patience is growing thin. I feel the tug to move forward. But I like this place. I like this feeling. Its comfortable. But something inside me wont stop itching. I am restless and I realize that there is more. I realize that its not over yet. I need to trust. I grab the hand and hold on tight. My body is shaking as the combination of fear and excitement of the unknown crowd my thoughts. The pace picks up and I feel as if my feet are barley touching the ground. As I sweep the floor beneath me, I feel the grip of my security let go. I slow down and realize I am alone. I have never been here before. The fear of abandonment over takes me. As the panic rushes to my thoughts, I start to look for some sort of outlet. But nothing. I am here. I was allured and taken to this wilderness of uncertainty. Where am I? Why am I here? This is not what I imagined, this is not what I had thought. My mind Continues to spin as my thoughts run in circles trying to figure out what is going on. My heart drops at the thought of the false hope I have been standing on. Are my dreams just nonsensical ideals? 

Then, almost as if someone stepped into a room, a hush fell over my mind. My thoughts quieted. My heart slowed. I couldn't quiet name the feeling that was consuming me.

 Comfort. I have comfort in this wilderness. 

Comfort that I am not alone. Comfort that my God will never leave me, nor forsake me. Comfort that as I delight myself in the Lord, He will give me the desires of my heart. 

Delight myself in You. 

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