Fifteen minutes. That I how long I have left in this life and goodness gracious there is so much to tell and so much to scream, yet all I can think of is myself. Selfish? Yes, but after all I have only 15 minutes! I automatically am thinking of all that I will miss out on: the desires of a family, the hopes of love eternal and adventures that have barely been dreamt about. I think about all the people that I encounter and how much I will miss them…will miss them? No, I will be in the presence of the Almighty. I will be at His feet forever praising His name and all the things I think I would have missed out on will just be fleeting in comparison to this.
I want to say that I have lived a good life. I think of my family- and how they would react. My family goes beyond the brothers I grew up with and the parents who raised me: it stems into the relationships that have cultivated and the effects of others lives on myself and mine on them.
This is reality. Death is part of life- and yes even our own. It is something you must face and come to grips with. I will be fine, I have Jesus. I want to say that I will have lived a life full of His Glory and will be able to hear the words “WELL DONE”, and have it contain roots of depth and vitality. I want to say that I had taken up every opportunity and that I lived fearless. That I got past my own insecurities and worries. That I was able to enjoy life and not be nitpicky and uptight. That I was light in the darkness. That when my 15 minutes is up, cause I only got about 5 more, that people will think of Him and not me.
My thoughts circle back around- what’s new- my brain never seems to shut off. But as they do I realize how everything I have thought of in the last… 11 minutes and 39 second, has had to do with me and me only. What about other people? In order for their to be a testament of faith their must be the death of the testator. Will my death bring about a testament of faith?
Did I just waste this hypothetical fifteen minutes of my life by writing everything that came to my mind instead of being active in my own thoughts. Let these words be eternal.
I am a big dreamer. That is nothing new. Let the stage I conquer be one of unmerited praise to the One who is Worthy. Let my court be holy and my life be cleansed of all filth. Let my dreams be those of You and not of me. Let me hands me loosened as Yours gently take their place.