skinny dipping

(journal entry dated October 22,2008)

"The tears blur my vision as I try and concentrate on the computer screen in front of me. Why does my dad have to be right? Yet at the same time it is so comforting that he is. I talk about my grey areas, my doubts, my insecurities of where I am at, pouring out my heart. And what does my beloved father tell me to do?

Go skinny dipping.

He is right. I need to relax. Appreciate where I am at and relish in it...."

should of been a preacher

down to 2

Jamie Burk is now Jamie Longacre.

I went back out to the west coast for the week for Jamie and Kyles big day and a little Bible College reunion took place as well.

Here is my crazy week....

This is Allie. She is my AMAZING friend who drove me to Jacksonville airport for the wedding in California. What is even more amazing, is that when her and Billy came to pick me up the next week, my flight was delayed till 1:30 in the morning. And they she stayed awake majority of the trip back to tally (i was driving, not her). (LOVE her)

This is a tea shop in downtown Sacramento. I had a Sweet Tea Latte. Delicious!

Downtown Sacramento

[[the four]]
Meghan, Jamie, Becca and me

Dancing the night away


Me and Megs (the single ladies!)

Cutting the cake!

My soul is getting restless

I could not have said this any better....




New cd hits stores November 17th and he is coming to Calvary Chapel Tallahassee November 8th!

Amidst

Staring all around. Encircling in. Their backs are what shield them from the glory of perfection. The heart breaks and the ground feels the heavy tears fall. They are all so blinded to what is in their grasp. They don’t see the jealousy raging inside. The jealousy of a fervent desire to see their faces. Do they know what they are doing? Do they see the broken, man-made, conditional possessions they have put before them? It will fail them. Their own dreams and desires drive them to turn away, yet if only they could let go. If only they knew the compromise they were making. They will not leave behind a legacy of significance, but of worldly praise. Little do they not know the eternal glory of surrender. Oh that they would let go. And that’s all they must do. Let. So much easier to let go then to keep holding on. They are drowning in their own vitality, gasping for a breath they don’t realize is already there. They strive to make it to shore, yet all they need to do is stop struggling. They suffer and fight for their own perfection. Yet to survive all they need to do is give up. No need to drown. No need to squander for ideals. All they must do is turn.

The fingers begin to quiver as the moisture of the hands cause them to slip. Will they give up the fight of their failing idols? The struggle continues, as their flesh fights back but continues to get weaker. There is no power that will make them let go. True love and devotion comes when it is an act of the free choice and not of power. Yet the jealousy of unconditional love is driving the cry of salvation. Seeing them struggle in their own blood, the heart cries out to “Live!"

“Time of love” came upon you. Your heart was finally softened. All this time you hung by your fingertips to something that was going to fail, yet right behind you was the Living Water. Your face continued to look down, knowing that even though the desire to look upon the Magnificent burned within you, the shame of your brokenness drenched you with humility. Still guilt ridden of your blood and filth, the coolness of the clean water washed over your body. You became clean, and new, as if it never happened. Naked and ashamed, the oil sanctified your soul and you know this is when

“You became MINE”

Ezekiel 16

Nonsense

I have a problem. I love to read. But as time goes on and I run out of reading my favorite books (fiction and non fiction alike) over again, I have the hardest time finding new material! I go the "christian" section of Borders and I am faced with 2 options: either a watered down "everything is perfect with Jesus and if you give me money" book or ones that I really question is the author has ever read the Bible. So I venture out into the more "secular" sections and am bombarded with Vampires who wish they were Edward Cullen and sappy romance novels that cause my stomach to churn. Oh how I wish there was something new and fresh out that wouldn't make my brain go to mush, but would cause me to think and step outside my realm of reality.

Who knows... maybe its me.

Break

I sit. My heart is racing and I cant seem to stay still. I start to ask what is happening to me? Before the thought finishes racing across my head, I knew the answer. I enter in and realize how deprived I was. Dry and weak- I had been fighting a battle and I was weary.

"It wasn't enough for You to save my soul, set me free and make me Whole.
But You had a plan for me, A destiny for my life...."

But the question remains: What is it? Where Am I going?

"For me, it isn't enough to take your name, accept your gift and remain the same.
I want to honor you and bless you all of my days"

But Your fire burns within and I cant help but surrender. Lord to see this sleeping generation arise, knowing we are no longer forsaken into the darkness. But that we are able to lift our eyes and see Your glory on the earth. Arise.

Calm

This is the calm before the storm. My life is about to get ridiculous. And not to say these past few weeks haven’t been, but now is time it all comes to reality. Just to let my fellow bloggers aware of the events that God has placed in my life:

1. I got a car. Let me rephrase that, I BOUGHT a car. Yep, my first adult purchase was made this past Tuesday and now the pretty little car that I can really call mine is sitting in the driveway. It may seem like a small stepping stone to some, but it was a big leap for Laura Jean.

2. My little brother (who, when people ask me how old he is, I still picture him as a 10 year old) is going to the CC worship school next week. This whole thing was a down right, cant call it anything other than what it is, miracle. Not because Jordan might not have gotten excepted (if anyone has been to Calvary Chapel service in the past year, you will know that is not the case), but because we (as in my parents) didnt know how it was all going to come together. Yet, once again God was guiding us the whole time. Through out the whole process, I think everyone in my family was a little tense and stressed.... except my dad. If you had asked him the day we found out Jordan was getting scholarships what he felt inside, he would of said “today is the day.” I don't know about you Pops, but I felt relief, excitement and was telling God is was about dadgum time! But no, not my dad. I asked him why he wasnt more relieved- he responded with “if wasn't today, it would be tomorrow. I never for a second doubted God wouldn’t provide.”

3. Once we return from taking Jordan to Ft. Laurderdale, I move in with one of my good friends, Beth. (within 6 months my parents will have gone from all 3 living at the house, to none. Mom is going to have to get a dog) I have lived on my own before, but never in town. Going to be something to get used to.

4. FSU FOOTBALL SEASON! I have not been in town for a FSU season in 3 years! I am excited for this one to start. The tailgating, the excitement, the never-ending bleeding of garnet and Gold- even when we aren't all that good. But, just as every other fan, I will remain optimistic.

5. Wedding number two! I will be heading to Northern California for my friend Jamie’s wedding and am so excited! Not only will I get to stand next to her and be part of her special day, but selfishly I am excited to see many of my CCBC friends (including my bestie Meg). Some of these people I haven't seen in over a year and it will be good to be around them. I know there will be an abundance of laughter and amazing memories and let me tell you.. I need it!

I look at my list, and realize how blessed I truly am. These past few weeks have been anything but easy and I am so excited to see what all the Lord has in store. Lots of changes, but I have to remind myself how in the midst of it all, God is still God and I am always surprised at where He takes me.