Stop Looking

4. Stop Looking

I have dreaded writing this particular post ever since I sat down and made my list. I actually was thinking of skipping it all together and hoping that the the few people who do read this thing wouldn't notice. But I came to the realization that most things that I don't want to do, I need to do. So here I am- writing about the one topic that covers the majority of my personal and most intimate detailings of my life. (Aren't you excited?! lol)

This particular topic is something that I have fought with and kicked against for the longest time. For as long as I can date back to, I can never be still and I don't know how to relax. So as a result: my naps consist of 20 minutes of zoning out to the "Food Network." My days and nights off- well I don't have those. and to me- taking it easy is baking a pie from scratch while I enjoy my 4th cup of coffee. But, it is by choice. I love being busy, cause it gives me less time for my thoughts to get me in trouble. And even though I may have something on my plate every day and every night of the week- I still cant help but keep looking. Looking for the next door to walk through. Looking for the next season in my life. Looking for my realistic Mr. Darcy to walk through the door. I HATE missing out on anything and so I am always looking. This year- I have decided to stop looking. Well, lets be honest, try and stop looking.


One of the things I have realized through out this realization is that its gosh darn hard! People say you should "live in the moment" but I am a planner and I like to live in the what ifs and maybes of tomorrow. It gives me glimpse of hope and mystery. BUT (my favorite word), I also realize I cannot live in the fantasy. I must realize that certain things are out of my control. Can I be creative and dream? of course! Yet I must realize that the best things that have happened in my life were usually in the state of unexpectancy.

Do I want more adventures? Yes. Do I want to go places, do different things see what else is out there? Yes. Do I get restless and just want it all to start now? YES! Do I wish God would just tell me who I am to marry just so we can get the freakin ball rollin? duh! (sorry-but lets be honest?)

Yet to live in the expected is boring. To live in the moment of mystery as God surprises me when I am NOT looking- that is hope.

This is my motion for change.

Bake and Cook

To the few and rare blog reader: so sorry for the delay in #3 of this series. My beloved Mac decided to kick the boot. I have been computer-less and usually write at home in the evenings. Now I will have to squeeze it into my work week on this crap PC at work. J

3. Bake and Cook More

Most people have some sort of hobby, habit, gravitational pull to something that lets them escape. For me- its food. No, I am not an emotional eaters that when I get depressed I reach for the pint of Ben and Jerry’s. I am talking about the kitchen. The pots, the pans, the spices, the caramelized onions and the smell of fresh baked pastries.

I LOVE to bake and cook. For whatever reason I have this weird world I can escape into and the juices just start flowing. I watch “Julie and Julia” the other night- I am Julie. (although that was A LOT of butter!)

So this year- I am motioning to bake and cook more. Time is an issue- but I think for others, my sanity and just the fact that its fun (And good) I need to make the time.

I made a homemade apple pie the other day and gave it to our neighbors. I think they enjoyed it. Next on the list is Chocolate Croissants.

This is my motion for change.

Capture

2. Capture

I love stories. And I love to repeat stories. Some (like my older brother) cant watch a movie more then once or read a book over and over again. Me on the other hand- I have probably watched “Pride and Prejudice” a least once a week, have read my favorite books numerous times and love hearing the same stories told over and over. I will admit- after awhile all chick-flicks have the same premise and all Westerns remind me of Tombstone. But there is something about a story. I love the fact that I ge to go back in time and enter into a false reality. For just a glimpse of my day I get the chance to be someone else entirely. I get to live in a land of Vampires and Werewolves. I get to dream about Mr. Darcy and his arrogant deceit. For just a moment- I get to escape what I veiwe as normal and every-day.
This year though, I am going to capture. If you know me you may think that I already do that- my over stuffed journal at my bedside and my iphoto containing over 4,000 items from the past year alone might prove your point. The difference may be subtle- yet it is there. I no longer want to just have written down a few memories and snapped a few smiling faces. I want to capture. To capture this moment and to realize it tells a story. To understand and relish in the fact that this is my story. The pictures, the moleskins full of random notes, the endless journals that will be overflowing with details and memories all create a story. My story could be someone else’ escape. It could be their false reality, where they get to escape their everyday and normal lives.

I want to capture my story. For who else to better tell the story then me?

This is my motion for change.

Quality Time

1. Spend QUALITY time

Its a new day. My alarm continues to vibrate ont he table as I reach over to press snooze. As I check the time I realize I have to leave in 30 minutes and snooze is not an option for this day. Like most I have my check list of things that need to get done in the next 15 hours or so. Weather it is making sure we have enough volunteers for the upcoming church service, cleaning my house, trying to squeeze in a run or planning the upcoming weekend. I have a list of things that I know need to be accomplished at some point during that day, and I can proudly say that I am a pretty diligent person. There is one, that is always on the list and is automatically on there without any hesitation. Yet as routine as it may be and as habitual as it may come- quality it does not possess.

I used to be the obnoxious Christian that got up not matter what was going on that day, and spent time in the word, journaling and praying. I used to rise in the morning with my coffee and Jesus. I would walk out my door armed and ready for whatever the world had my way. Oh how I miss that obnoxious person.

I am going to be brutally honest- I am not that anymore. That drive, that conviction that used to capture my heart is no longer there. Don't get me wrong, I love jesus with all my heart and I read His word and pray daily. But recently it just has not been the same as it has been.

So this year my number one goal is to change that. To start over and to set aside that time in the mornings not just reading a chapter to check it off the days list. But to meditate, study and learn how to love HIM better and more. To leave my front door prepared and ready for what the world has to throw my way. To leave a sanctuary of His presence and enter the day afresh and renewed.

This is my motion for change.

Motion for Change

Whenever January 1st starts to sneak its way onto our calendars, the first thing we all think of is how we are going to fail at something we tell ourselves is going wrong in our lives that needs to be resolved. Weather we will strive to finally lose those 10 pounds, start going to church more regularly, or being more involved with the Family. Whatever our resolutions may be (written down or just thought of)- everyone knows that majority of people fail at them. I have heard some people say they “don’t do that.” Yet if you think about it- even if we don’t write them down and post them on our mirror- in our thoughts we come up with a list of things we would see change. And as 2009 came to a close (thank the Lord) and 2010 was starting (thank the Lord) I realized that, unlike the years past, I wanted to write down what I thought and try my darndest to keep them.

So that morning I sat down with Jesus and started to asked: “what needs to change?”
This is what I came up with:

1. spend QUALITY time
2. Capture
3. bake and cook more
4. Stop looking
5. Ireland

This is my motion for change. My ideals of what I am hoping and praying will keep 2010 going stronger and better then the years past. As part of number 2 , I am GOING to expound more on all of these in the days to come. and hopefully we can see what will come of this unforeseen year.