Treading Water

Dear Laura in 2007,
  

Right now you are 19. You are half way through the most life changing experience of your life thus far. I come to you, nearly six years in the future, to warn you of a few things. They can all be summed up in one statement, but I know you, and you will appreciate the details. So here it is: Its 2012, and you don't have your shit together. 

I know. I know! I can picture your face now (you don't hide your emotions too well.) You’re shocked, taken aback and you probably don't believe me. (And stop trying to spiritualize it and put the pieces together. Told you I know you.)



Let me break it down for you:



You live in America. 

You live in Tallahassee. 

You don't work for a non-profit, church, or any kind of “ministry” (but you love your job)

You really aren't in leadership anywhere.

You bought a car.

You don't have “position” anywhere. 

You are (still) single.

You are (still) waiting.

You finally got that KitchenAid mixer.

You are still restless.



Now don't get too discouraged just yet. There will be hard moments, days where the black closet of insecurities just can’t seem to stay shut. The lies of apathy, lack of faith and confusion will come and punch you in the gut when you least expect it, knocking the wind out of you. However one thing rings true: God is still God and you are not. 



It seems all peachy right now. But, little Miss Priss, life is just starting. 



You have no idea what is ahead of you. 



To make this a little less confusing, try this: this current version of yourself--me, the one writing you--is still clueless. You're still restless, standing on the foundation that there is more to life then what you are doing know. You seem to be treading water but are having to trust that it won’t be forever. That you are made for more than this, but having to accept that this isn't all that bad. That this could be all that you are supposed to do and learning to be content with that. The problem is, you are more prideful, selfish and jealous than you realize. (It will come out in due time.) Deep inside you KNOW there is more. Don't ignore that. Push forward.  Enjoy your interest— you may not be naturally gifted but you have a heck of a work ethic. Being "taken out of your comfort zone" may be you making the choice to explore uncharted territory. You're a big girl, you don't need to have your hand held. Keep offering your hands and feet, your time, to everyone— even if they never actually use them. Continue to learn and understand the power of prayer and act of being available.  I know you pray for tunnel vision, and blinders so that you are not distracted, but don't let that become an excuse for ignorance. Get in the Word and submit to the Holy Spirit...daily.

Remember, it’s the simple things that usually make the most impact. 

There will be countless times when you look up and scream to God, “What the hell?!?!” You will get angry at Him— just be honest about it. Emotions are not a bad thing, but honesty plus reality is not the same thing as untamed feelings and stories in your head. 


So, take a deep breath. Eat something. And smile.
Who knows what tomorrow will bring. (Well, I do, but Im not telling.) 



Love,

Your future self.

P.S. Go eat a sandwich for me... you’ll find out soon enough.