{un}Inspired

If you were to open up my computer, go to the folder "musings" on my desktop, you would find a slew of half written ideas, rambling, musings and incomplete thoughts. Some are pages long while others may consist of one word. Nothing is complete and nothing makes sense. There is no eloquence, no color that can contrast with the grey. Combine that with journals that are overtaking my bookshelf and I'm reminded that there are more in a box somewhere which just means that this is old hat.

It all started when I was 13 as my dad handed me my first leather bound book full of blank pages. He told me to write everyday. Everyday, even if it was just a few thoughts and knowing that occasionally I may need to burn it. At the time, I had no idea how life altering that gift would be. No masterpiece comes out of it, no published great American novel will be formed. But those books of handwritten thoughts, dreams, worries and moments are what keeps me from going crazy.

Problem as of late is the apathetic grace of absence. Whenever I need a slight dose of reality I look back at my journals and Quiet Time musings and I realize where my head and heart has been. Lately, its all over the place. My mind, my spirit, my life is a list of stops with no connections.

So now what? I'm in the rut of "blah".  I sound like the teacher from Charlie Brown and I have to ask myself "what are you even saying?!"

Its a good question to ask yourself: What am I saying? The answer may not make sense at the moment or even for a little while. It may be a list of stops with no connections or the lack of color may make your view point rather gray. Yet it's in that moment of stops, that we recognize the miracle of connection. That we fully come to sense the peace that surpasses all understanding.

I'm waiting in anticipation for God to give me that "Holy crap!" moment as He brings all the sporadic thoughts and ideas together. Yet until then I will stay {un}Inspired and focus on the simple things.

Push forward. Fight for it. Get inspired.