rustic revival

i think it hit me on the dot!

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Matthew 9:20

As the crowd bustles by I struggle to get through the suffocating commotion of the morning. My stomach lurched in pain as I tried with all my strength to move forward in what I presumed as my last hope. I continued to push my way past as I worked through the sea of people. Part of me felt selfish for wanting it so badly, but I knew that I could not deal with this agony any longer. For twelve long years I have known nothing other then the life this sickness has caused me. Not only was the physical pain over powering, but worse then that was the nights when the pain had partly subsided, for it was my only companion. By now I have spent many nights alone. Forgotten and forsaken by everyone I thought I knew. When the pain from my stomach would rest the pain of my thoughts would just take its place.

As I continued to strive my way trough the mass I saw a break in the crowd. I had reached my Hope. I had finally come to what I knew I needed. But is it really what I want? After all when I am healed what will I be left with? No. The demon of my aching heart and empty house could be battled another day. For today I knew

“If only I can touch the hem of His garment, I shall be made well.”

As the words slipped out of my mouth and my hand went forward, my finger lightly brushed the fringe of His robe. I closed my eyes as I felt this peace that surpassed all understanding I had ever known.

its that time of year

Here are a few pics from the past few weeks. Me and my Pops went to go see my lil brosuf, Jordan, at his school and see their christmas show. Then at the bottom is a picture of me and my roomies Christmas decorating on 15 bucks! lol

2 years ago I was in Israel and celebrated thanksgiving with my other family. Below is a video my friend Chaim made that stars two of my favorite people: Becca and Paul Ainsle. Becca was one of my many roommates in Israel and her and her husband are back serving as missionaries!

Watching the video reminded me of my time there and how much I would love to go back- even if its for a short time. The memories came flooding back as I saw them shopping where I used to and walking the streets of Tel-Aviv.

Enjoy!

visions of memories

Fish, the southern way.

These one really makes me happy

And this little domestic one as well.

This picture sums up our theology class. Yet I miss it.

Big Brosuf. Lil Brosuf.

Dont you wish we were your neighbors?

Best Birthday Ever.

[[the four]]

My favorite.

Wish fall was like this.


And winter like this.

My craving everyday.

I want to be like them when I grow old.

Norwegians.

I get to see her soon!


Part of my heart was left at this wall.

The Day After

I was recently reminded that there is always “the day before.” The day before you get married. The day before you have your first child. The day before the towers fell. The day before you get let go from your job. The day before you find out you have to move. When we look back on events that altered our lives, we always remember the day before.

Saturday was my families “day before.” We were all scattered over town. Watching football, attending the women's retreat. Studying for school or just relaxing and enjoying the beautiful saturday. Then sunday came.

No one ever wakes up in the morning knowing what the day will bring. We might have a plan in our calendars. Meetings might be scheduled and appointments might have been made. But ultimately- if something is thrown our way, we have to stop and change our minds and priorities. We must alter our lives. Yesterday was that day for my family.

As I was rushing to the emergency room after church, I kept thinking “I did not wake up expecting this.” But then again, does anyone? Does anyone wake up expecting their families roots to be shaken? Does anyone expect their uncle, brother, father, husband to be suddenly gone? As we sat in the waiting room, trying to comfort as the shock was still settling in, i just kept thinking “this is a dream.” I tried to put myself in everyone’s shoes: my mom lost her brother. My aunt lost her husband. My cousins lost their daddy. The thoughts flooded my heart as it broke.

Saturday was “the day before.” Today is the day after. Tomorrow is the next day. And Wednesday is going to come as well. Soon, I pray, we will not be thinking of the day before, but more of the tomorrow. Cause with every sunset there is a sunrise, and we will rise.

As I walk through heavens gates as the melodies fill my ears. I fall to my knees. The overwhelming peace take hold of my heart as I try and bow to You. My hands reach to You but it will never be as I cannot obtain who You are. Yet Your glory fills the heavens as I remain in awe of Your presence. I desire to praise Your name. "Holy Holy Holy. Is the Lord God Almighty. Who was and is and is to come."

Thinking

Too often I ask myself where my faith is held. Is it held in the tangiable I can place my eyes and hands on? Is it held in the beholder of my own imagination? Or is it put in the Creator of all who sees all?
I feel that faith muscle being worked. Its sore and I need some aspirin. Yet I can feel it getting stronger. I know it is growing me and is taking me out of my bubble and having to fully trust the unknown. I have no control over how long this will last or how much it will hurt. But I do know that that the strain is less and the relaxation getting easier. Not because I see a solution, or an end to the means which this has all come to. But because my heart does not fret as much. My mind is calmer and the peace that does not make any sort of sense is now a comfort rather then an itch. I don't know why I worry or freak out. He has known what I need long before I have.

“You will make known to me the path of life...”

I want to see big things happen. I think big, I dream big and I want to see it all come to life. Yet when will it? Will it ever or do I live in a constant state of false reality?

“...in Your presence is fullness of joy; in Your right hand are pleasures forevermore”
Psalm 16:11

"It is a positive crime to be weak in God's strength" Oswald Chambers

Becoming ripe

[Am I allowed to use this to vent? Sure. Why not? The worst that could happen is that you stop reading while my words still hang in the blogging world.]

apathy.

So often, me included, we catch ourselves being dead. There is nothing worse then going through the motions and not feeling anything. It amazes me how often we put the needs of humans above the call in which God has put on our lives: to glorify Him. As humans we are naturally selfish and think about ourselves. And as Christians we are taught to serve others and have our eyes on anyone but ourselves. But where is our ultimate focus? So often, we see a physical need that must be met, but are we really doing it to honor Him?

What is serving if it cost us nothing? What is giving if we gave up nothing? How ever much you sacrifice, shows how much it is worth. Jesus came to this earth to heal the sick, so that is where we ought to be found. He came and sacrificed all because He believed we were worth it. Yet how often do we sit in the seats of our churches, listen to the words being spoken and just leave? We come, "sit and soak" yet we are too often that of an undevoted pretender. We come and show love with our lips, yet our hearts are pursuing something else entirely.

Sit and soak. But don't start to drip.

[ok. I'm done. off my soap box now.]

Allure

Therefore, behold, I will allure her,
Will bring her into the wilderness,
And speak comfort to her. Hosea 2:14

It seems the patience is growing thin. I feel the tug to move forward. But I like this place. I like this feeling. Its comfortable. But something inside me wont stop itching. I am restless and I realize that there is more. I realize that its not over yet. I need to trust. I grab the hand and hold on tight. My body is shaking as the combination of fear and excitement of the unknown crowd my thoughts. The pace picks up and I feel as if my feet are barley touching the ground. As I sweep the floor beneath me, I feel the grip of my security let go. I slow down and realize I am alone. I have never been here before. The fear of abandonment over takes me. As the panic rushes to my thoughts, I start to look for some sort of outlet. But nothing. I am here. I was allured and taken to this wilderness of uncertainty. Where am I? Why am I here? This is not what I imagined, this is not what I had thought. My mind Continues to spin as my thoughts run in circles trying to figure out what is going on. My heart drops at the thought of the false hope I have been standing on. Are my dreams just nonsensical ideals? Then, almost as if someone stepped into a room, a hush fell over my mind. My thoughts quieted. My heart slowed. I couldn't quiet name the feeling that was consuming me. Comfort. I have comfort in this wilderness.

Nothing

I wish I had something to blog about that is happening in my life. But all I know is that I am busy. Busy is good for me- otherwise I think and think and think and the never ending thoughts consume my brain and get me into trouble.
What is it that keeps me busy? Childrens Ministry. Friends. Youth group. Planning next summer's trip to Ireland. Family. and of course Jesus.

For the next 7 weekends I have plans. (vaca in 2010?)

All things are good. Great actually. Yet they continue to keep me on my toes.

p.s. still looking for a hobby once I am no longer a cripple (10 more days of the boot!)

Draw near

“...for I will not leave you until I have done what I have spoken to you.”
Genesis 28:15

The leaves change, the flowers bloom and our lives continue on. Just as the season change in our world, our lives are ever changing and constant. The anticipation for the coming fall or bloom is always around a corner as we often eagerly look ahead. I am constantly having to remind myself that I am in a time of preparation. I have been brought here to this place, on this path, cause I am to be be rooted. When the time comes I will be ready, but right now I am to be prepared. I am brought here to listen, to watch, to captivate and to draw near. As the next season approaches it will be in perfect timing. His timing. I am here cause He is not done. I may be justified, but I am not sanctified. My sanctification can only come through the willing act to abandon control and abide. I have no control over my justification- for His mercies are new every morning. My glorification is only going to be obtained when I enter in His presence. But my sanctification? That is a choice I have right now. I must stop, shut up, and let go. I must let the power that He had to conquer death, be the residing influence in me.

For He has spoken.

Lately

Lately... I have finally gotten my room to where I think it will be my new home (for now).

Lately... I broke my leg. Well actaully it happened about a month ago and i just found out about it. Typical Laura Colle fashion.


Lately... Ive been feeling restless. I cant stop twitching and trying to find that scratch that I cant itch. But what is it? Im involved. I read. I pray. I try and get out of the way so He can do His thing. Yet here I am. Running in place.


Lately... I have been thinking a lot about the here after. (maybe thats why im restless) I know I dont belong here. I know no one does. Yet the urgency to bow to my face and stand in awe had grown beyond my own comprehension.

Lately... I have been wanting to write even more than usual. But about what?

Lately... I have been wanting to just go. Anywhere. Just to get in the car and drive. Roadtrip anyone?

Lately... I have been wanting to take more pictures.

Lately... I have been loving these two more and more.

Lately... I have been needing a hobby. Im not crafty, am a cripple at the moment and am poor. So much for a hobby.

Lately... I have been wanting to bake every free second I can. Maybe this weekend I can accomplish some of those favortie recipies.

Lately.... I think too much. Wait. That is always the case.

Turn the Corner

I turn the corner as the rocks prick my feet before I take another step. I open my eyes and realize I am looking down. I know my face should be looking up, yet I am hesitant to rise. The stoney pathway and the pain stare back at me and my heart twist in pain. The deception, the lies, the sin that caused this broken road. I feel the warmth rushed over me as the strength fills my body. I raise my head and see the endless road laid before me. I can see just enough for my own comfort, yet the curiosity is always growing. The trees and haze block me from seeing too far ahead as I continue to walk forward. The pain becomes sharper as the bottoms of my bare feet continue to become calloused. I cry out for something, anything to get through this. Will there ever be an end to this shattered dream?

I feel a hand slip into mine. With such grace it takes hold of my shaking feeble fist as mine relaxes in His. The gentle squeeze reminds me He is there, and always has been. The comfort of peace washes over my heart and I realize I was holding my breath. My shoulders fall and the tension eases. I feel the pain subside and I glance down. The rocks are fewer and far between. My feet are soft again as the sand cushions my toes.

I notice a turn in the path that is not too far away. What will this corner behold?

Dreamer

“Thinking time is not wasted time”
-Madeline L’Engle

My mind continues to boggle itself, as I feel the twist and turns of each rampant thought. Why my mind never seems to slow down is unknown to me. I am constantly thinking, over thinking and dreaming. But maybe that's who I am. Maybe I am a dreamer.
I have known I tend to dream big (and probably unrealistic) for some time know. I have known that what my hearts longs to do and the dreams I desire to see in reality are abundant. And because of my constant contemplating of what might happen, I more than often wonder what really will come to reality. What will my story be?

Perhaps it is a selfish way of thinking, but if we are honest we all do it on a everyday basis. One of the biggest qualms between man and God is the plan that lays before us. The plan that we do not see and have no idea where it is ending, other than the eternity we choose. Where is my path leading? Is that a turn or twist? Where are the bumps and valleys?

Where is Laura Jean Colle going to end up?

What is my story?

skinny dipping

(journal entry dated October 22,2008)

"The tears blur my vision as I try and concentrate on the computer screen in front of me. Why does my dad have to be right? Yet at the same time it is so comforting that he is. I talk about my grey areas, my doubts, my insecurities of where I am at, pouring out my heart. And what does my beloved father tell me to do?

Go skinny dipping.

He is right. I need to relax. Appreciate where I am at and relish in it...."

should of been a preacher

down to 2

Jamie Burk is now Jamie Longacre.

I went back out to the west coast for the week for Jamie and Kyles big day and a little Bible College reunion took place as well.

Here is my crazy week....

This is Allie. She is my AMAZING friend who drove me to Jacksonville airport for the wedding in California. What is even more amazing, is that when her and Billy came to pick me up the next week, my flight was delayed till 1:30 in the morning. And they she stayed awake majority of the trip back to tally (i was driving, not her). (LOVE her)

This is a tea shop in downtown Sacramento. I had a Sweet Tea Latte. Delicious!

Downtown Sacramento

[[the four]]
Meghan, Jamie, Becca and me

Dancing the night away


Me and Megs (the single ladies!)

Cutting the cake!

My soul is getting restless

I could not have said this any better....




New cd hits stores November 17th and he is coming to Calvary Chapel Tallahassee November 8th!

Amidst

Staring all around. Encircling in. Their backs are what shield them from the glory of perfection. The heart breaks and the ground feels the heavy tears fall. They are all so blinded to what is in their grasp. They don’t see the jealousy raging inside. The jealousy of a fervent desire to see their faces. Do they know what they are doing? Do they see the broken, man-made, conditional possessions they have put before them? It will fail them. Their own dreams and desires drive them to turn away, yet if only they could let go. If only they knew the compromise they were making. They will not leave behind a legacy of significance, but of worldly praise. Little do they not know the eternal glory of surrender. Oh that they would let go. And that’s all they must do. Let. So much easier to let go then to keep holding on. They are drowning in their own vitality, gasping for a breath they don’t realize is already there. They strive to make it to shore, yet all they need to do is stop struggling. They suffer and fight for their own perfection. Yet to survive all they need to do is give up. No need to drown. No need to squander for ideals. All they must do is turn.

The fingers begin to quiver as the moisture of the hands cause them to slip. Will they give up the fight of their failing idols? The struggle continues, as their flesh fights back but continues to get weaker. There is no power that will make them let go. True love and devotion comes when it is an act of the free choice and not of power. Yet the jealousy of unconditional love is driving the cry of salvation. Seeing them struggle in their own blood, the heart cries out to “Live!"

“Time of love” came upon you. Your heart was finally softened. All this time you hung by your fingertips to something that was going to fail, yet right behind you was the Living Water. Your face continued to look down, knowing that even though the desire to look upon the Magnificent burned within you, the shame of your brokenness drenched you with humility. Still guilt ridden of your blood and filth, the coolness of the clean water washed over your body. You became clean, and new, as if it never happened. Naked and ashamed, the oil sanctified your soul and you know this is when

“You became MINE”

Ezekiel 16

Nonsense

I have a problem. I love to read. But as time goes on and I run out of reading my favorite books (fiction and non fiction alike) over again, I have the hardest time finding new material! I go the "christian" section of Borders and I am faced with 2 options: either a watered down "everything is perfect with Jesus and if you give me money" book or ones that I really question is the author has ever read the Bible. So I venture out into the more "secular" sections and am bombarded with Vampires who wish they were Edward Cullen and sappy romance novels that cause my stomach to churn. Oh how I wish there was something new and fresh out that wouldn't make my brain go to mush, but would cause me to think and step outside my realm of reality.

Who knows... maybe its me.

Break

I sit. My heart is racing and I cant seem to stay still. I start to ask what is happening to me? Before the thought finishes racing across my head, I knew the answer. I enter in and realize how deprived I was. Dry and weak- I had been fighting a battle and I was weary.

"It wasn't enough for You to save my soul, set me free and make me Whole.
But You had a plan for me, A destiny for my life...."

But the question remains: What is it? Where Am I going?

"For me, it isn't enough to take your name, accept your gift and remain the same.
I want to honor you and bless you all of my days"

But Your fire burns within and I cant help but surrender. Lord to see this sleeping generation arise, knowing we are no longer forsaken into the darkness. But that we are able to lift our eyes and see Your glory on the earth. Arise.

Calm

This is the calm before the storm. My life is about to get ridiculous. And not to say these past few weeks haven’t been, but now is time it all comes to reality. Just to let my fellow bloggers aware of the events that God has placed in my life:

1. I got a car. Let me rephrase that, I BOUGHT a car. Yep, my first adult purchase was made this past Tuesday and now the pretty little car that I can really call mine is sitting in the driveway. It may seem like a small stepping stone to some, but it was a big leap for Laura Jean.

2. My little brother (who, when people ask me how old he is, I still picture him as a 10 year old) is going to the CC worship school next week. This whole thing was a down right, cant call it anything other than what it is, miracle. Not because Jordan might not have gotten excepted (if anyone has been to Calvary Chapel service in the past year, you will know that is not the case), but because we (as in my parents) didnt know how it was all going to come together. Yet, once again God was guiding us the whole time. Through out the whole process, I think everyone in my family was a little tense and stressed.... except my dad. If you had asked him the day we found out Jordan was getting scholarships what he felt inside, he would of said “today is the day.” I don't know about you Pops, but I felt relief, excitement and was telling God is was about dadgum time! But no, not my dad. I asked him why he wasnt more relieved- he responded with “if wasn't today, it would be tomorrow. I never for a second doubted God wouldn’t provide.”

3. Once we return from taking Jordan to Ft. Laurderdale, I move in with one of my good friends, Beth. (within 6 months my parents will have gone from all 3 living at the house, to none. Mom is going to have to get a dog) I have lived on my own before, but never in town. Going to be something to get used to.

4. FSU FOOTBALL SEASON! I have not been in town for a FSU season in 3 years! I am excited for this one to start. The tailgating, the excitement, the never-ending bleeding of garnet and Gold- even when we aren't all that good. But, just as every other fan, I will remain optimistic.

5. Wedding number two! I will be heading to Northern California for my friend Jamie’s wedding and am so excited! Not only will I get to stand next to her and be part of her special day, but selfishly I am excited to see many of my CCBC friends (including my bestie Meg). Some of these people I haven't seen in over a year and it will be good to be around them. I know there will be an abundance of laughter and amazing memories and let me tell you.. I need it!

I look at my list, and realize how blessed I truly am. These past few weeks have been anything but easy and I am so excited to see what all the Lord has in store. Lots of changes, but I have to remind myself how in the midst of it all, God is still God and I am always surprised at where He takes me.

Arise

As I slip my clean, freshly pedicured feet into my shoes, I have to remind myself it is a blessing. I look down and realize this is not the first pair of shoes I have owned, nor is it going to be the last. I glance in my closet and notice my shelves no longer hold all my shoes; they are spilling out onto the floor. Guilt washes over me and my heart breaks because I know how, too often, I take it all for granted.

In the past three years I have been given opportunities to open my eyes, expand my world and take a bird's eye view of the lives around me. After escaping my southern comfort zone and gaining perspective from all over the world, my heart began yearning for change, and it hasn’t stopped. I become impatient for revival and for the roots of peoples lives to be shaken. I long to see people’s lives changed and impacted. But it will not happen by itself; the fruit cannot spring up without seeds being planted. I cannot make a difference without first getting off the couch, leaving what I know to be comfortable and doing something radical. In order to do something that has never been done before, I must live a life that has never been lived before. I have to ask myself, what is the point of knowing the needs in other people's lives and repressing it, acting as if they don't exist? Acting as if everything is okay?

It is beyond the time we wake from our sleep and step into the darkness of this world. As I walk the streets of my town, or sit and watch as people meander by, I want to scream at them because they don't see it. I sense in some people a comatose life, completely unaware of the world around us, the loss, suffering, and different lives that are taking place outside our self-created bubbles. I see blinding that keeps people from seeing the reality of what is all around them. The reality that people are going without. Without food, clean water, shoes, hope, love, grace, redemption.

But, the veil has been lifted from my face. I have seen the poverty and the less privileged of this world and I can't stop thinking about it. And I struggle to wrap my mind around all that is happening. I am sensitive to the reminders and they give me a little more clarity, my eyes opened a little more.

So what can I do? What must I do? I look down at my feet and am reminded "how beautiful are the feet that carry." As I raise my head, stand up a littler straighter, put on my eternal mindset and begin to be awakened once more to the world around me, I take a step forward. The reality is, my heart knows. The truth is that I can't sit back any longer. I have given my life over to the One who created it, but now it’s time I move.

This past week I was blessed enough to be involved in a ministry where we were able to give over 200 kids a new pair of shoes. But the blessing was found in the act. As the children would come and sit in front of us, we would remove their old shoes and wash their feet clean. As we did this, we would tell them about how Jesus, who loves you, loved His freinds so much, he washed their feet! As I was washing a little boy's feet, not sure if he was paying attention to what I was saying, he surprised me and asked, "Why feet?"

So I was left to wonder, why feet??

Our feet carry us all of our lives and hold us up. They lead us and take us places that we would never have thought or imagined. Some good and some less so. When we get to the paths in life that aren't so smooth, the bumps more numerous and tricky, what do we do? We look down. Our heads drop and we look at our feet. My prayer is that each person who receives a pair of shoes can remember the hope and encouragement of that special day when their foot slipped into a whole new realm, represented by a shoe. And I pray the love and encouragement they received from the person who gave it to them will remind them to lift their head. That even though right now is tough, tomorrow is a new day. And their newly protected (and loved) feet will carry them.

And it all starts by putting one foot in front of another. So let's go. One shoe at a time.

prayer

I desire the consuming fire that will lead my prayers to be directed at my God. I desire this fire that the world cannot explain. I desire the passion that will bring me to my face between my knees. The passion that I cannot obtain or hold in. I refuse to sit with uncalloused knees. To stand with the words being recited from my mind. But to worship my Lord with the Spirit of Truth. I will not have the heart of an uninvolved, undevoted, indifferent pretender. I desire a life that is encompassed with the sweet fellowship of Jesus and is solid in my trust in Him. I want to hit my broken and bruised knees when the sun rises and sit at the feet of my Savior. I want the Holy Spirit to be overflowing in me and interceding- for I am at a lost of what to say. For no person is greater than the prayer life in whcih he posses- when we are not praying we are straying. When we are straying we are not pursing the holiest relationship we could obtain. Our praying needs to be that of God's servant and chosen prophet Elijah. A man who was just like us- but is an example of a payer life that pressed and pursued. That had an abundant energy that never grows weary and a persistence that has an encouraging fixation upon the Lord.

So I have to ask my broken and straying heart to humble itself and enter in. I have to put my life away and focus on the Giver of all things. For I know who I am and whose I am. I must go in and expect to be blessed and given hope. I desire to have the markings and evidence of to whom I belong.

I leave with passion.

"The call of the cross, therefore, is to enter into the passion of Christ.
We must have upon us the mark of the nails." Gordon Watt

Spark

“Perhaps the artist longs to sleep well every night, to eat anything without indigestion, to feel no moral qualms, to turn off the television news & make a bologna sandwich after seeing the devastation & death caused by famine, drought, earthquake & flood.
But the artist cannot manage this normalcy. Vision keeps breaking through & must find means of expression.”
Madeline L’Engle

I drive down the road and sometimes have to stop and catch my thoughts. I have a tendency to be distracted by something- usually anything- and next thing I know I have a lifetime story in my head. Fearless stories of fictional characters who have faced far worse, more tragic lives than my own and how they have dealt with them. Sometimes its opposite- its the way i feel it should be. I am a people watcher. In airports I love to sit and see strangers and in my mind I make up their lives- are they happy? where did they come from? Single? Married? Searching? Found? These characters and imaginary fairy tales of love and lost are swimming aimlessly around my head. I put them down every once in a blue moon- but mostly they just drift off.


But what has gotten my attention more than recently is the spark. What triggers these notions of a unknown reality?


The spark lies in the fire. The spark is the Creator behind everything.


I once read that a artist relationship with their god is not effected by their life. But their life is effected by their god. My God- is the Creator. My life is driven by the creation. And every time I get the spark going, once I get my thoughts under control, I am forced to stand back in awe of what ignited it all.

“Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there. If I make my bed in hell, behold You are there...”

Every where I go I am reminded how You are everywhere. You are in all things. You are guiding me.

“...Your hand shall lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me.” Psalm 139:7-10

Go forth

“I am given hope that I may remember how to walk across the water.” Journal entry November 5, 2008

Coffee cup number two of the morning is brewing in the kitchen and the dogs are resting at my feet. Looking out the window the rain steadily continues to pulsate to the ground. The bible open next to me and my blackberry not too far out of reach- all my addictions are in place. (with Phil Whickam serenading me). I am trying to enjoy the peace and quiet that surrounds me, knowing what is coming.

Do you ever get the urge to coop yourself up with Jesus? And don’t tell me you are always conversing with Him- your lying. We are all human and live in a world that likes to bully us with dirt and filth. But do you ever, honestly just desire not to leave your sanctuary? Today I am sitting in the kitchen and just enjoying being untouched. For right now, I can relax and just be who God made me and spend time with Him. I don't have to sit up straight (sorry dad), suck in my tummy, worry if my hair is frizzy, and sometimes I actually sing really really loud! Yet I know the reality. I have to leave the front door. I know that in about an hour or so I have to make myself presentable to the outside (cause you will stare), and go forth into the realm of the enemy. BUT (I LOVE that word) when I get dressed this morning,not only will I put on my clothes, do my makeup, try and tame my hair, but I will also put on my armor. I will put on my breastplate of righteousness and I will prepare my feet with the Gospel. Above all- I will have my shield of faith which will protect me against the wickedness that we fight everyday. My helmet of Salvation will be securely renewing my mind and thoughts and my Spirit will be sharper than any two-edged sword. I will walk through the front door- insecure in my own right, but confidant that I will boldly stand in our Protector. I will not turn my back to the evil principalities but I will face them in valiant trust.

Here we go....

“...that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us.” 2 Corinthians 4:7

Wedding Day

My heart had finally slowed down and the reminder to not lock my knees was dancing around in my head. The bouquet of flowers was starting to weigh in my arms and that is when I had to catch my breath. As one of my best friend came walking down the aisle, veil covering her gorgeous face, I couldn’t help but realize that Becca was becoming a wife. She was no longer about to be one, but she was becoming part of one. It wasn’t but an hour ago, that it started clicking for her that she was getting married! The day that every little girl plans since they were 5 was coming a reality.
As they were exchanging their promises of love and sanctity, I felt the goose bumps go up my arms. This is what we all were waiting for. As I started to reminisce on the past few days, I just kept smiling.
I had arrived in Washington D.C. with a bit of discouragement in my own heart and within my own life. But once again I was reminded how personal our God is. He knew exactly the words, the friends, the atmosphere I needed. I now contained a renewed joy and enthusiasm as I stood there, looking at Becca and Paul give not only their lives, but their marriage over to glorify the Lord. The ceremony was an intimate time of worship and remembrance of how our Father views His bride. We were all reminded, once again, how our lives are to represent His love towards us.


But then.... it was time to party! We ended the night with many dances (including the bridal party specialty of the Virginia Real) and many traditions. I honestly don’t think I have had that much fun in a long time. Here are a few captured shots of the big day!

The groomsman

The Bridal party after the Big Finale!

My girls that I love!




Aren't they precious?

connect

She stands there. Knees locked and thoughts running. As the lives pass by her, she wonders what it is like to have that freedom. The walls that surround her, allow her to watch, but she is unable to move. She sees the people all around, walking by her and not even noticing. She knows she can see them, but can they see her? She can feel the eyes of people looking but knows she is not seen. Not touched. What did she do? What is it that put her here? She is bewildered by what is happening and cannot wrap her thoughts around it. All she did was do what she thought was the right thing and what she felt she was suppose to. Was she wrong? Is this the sacrifice it would bring? She wonders if anyone will ever look twice. She wants the walls gone. She wants to be able to walk around with the confidence of those she sees. Yet in the same thoughts of wishing, she knows she won’t settle, even if she wanted to. She knows the walls are hard to climb- she knows that there is a reason for them.... “After he had patiently endured, he obtained the promise.”

Wait.
There it was. It didn’t hold long, but it was there.

He walks by her, again. Everyday it gets harder. He sees her and knows that she is different. He knows that there is something about her that no one else has. He is drawn to her in a way he doesn’t understand and can’t explain. The only way he knows how to deal with it is to turn the other way. He avoids her and tries to keep his distance, yet he can’t take take his focus off of her. He cries out to God to intervene and do something about what is going on inside him. Yet it just grows deeper. Does she even notice him? He looks up at her again, knowing that the walls that surround her aren’t meant to be conquered over and over. But one time. If he is to have her, he is to fight for her. The walls are intimidating, and make her seem untouchable. It seems too narrow. Can he do it? Is he worth it? But she is. She looks his way... “enter by the narrow gate...”

Wait.
There it was. It didn’t hold long, but it was there.

Facelift

I gave my blog a facelift. Might change in the next few days. Dont know if I like it or not.

New picture coming soon (hopefully). that one is almost 3 years old! lol

300:150

I am sitting in the office at church about to order flowers for the Mothers day service and I was told to average about 300 carnations to be handed out that sunday. With Fathers day approaching the following month, I was informed that usually it was a chocolate bar of some sort- but to only plan on 150.. at the most. Now I know I went to bible college and was never a left brain person, but if my anatomy class services me correctly, doesn’t it take two to tango? Doesn’t it take the female anatomy and the male to reproduce? So what happened?

Where is the papa?

I am a daddy’s girl to the core. I love my mother (more of that in a few weeks), but the bond between daughters and fathers is different. I was blessed with an amazing dad. I will always cherish my daddy dates (growing up and even now) and don’t want to picture my life without him. Yet, so many mothers, sons and daughters are left without them. The male counterpart is out there, but the Father does not exist. Why are there 300 carnations and 150 chocolate bars? What I think men don’t realize is what they are missing out on. And casue of that, the daughters are in the dark as well. No matter if the relationship with your dad/daughter is a good one or non existent, it effects both of you. Who is suppose to show the girls the respect and honor we deserve? Who is suppose to protect us and tell us we look pretty (even in those awkward middle school years)? Who is suppose to spoil us like a queen but teach us how not to act like one? Who is suppose to pray with us when our girlfriends tease us and we feel out of place? Who is suppose to remind us that we have a place to belong? Who is suppose to tell us to keep our pants on?* Who is suppose to care about who we date and where we are at? Who is suppose to flatten the guys tires that broke our hearts? Who are we suppose to look up to? Who else can love us like they do?

How can we get a glimpse of the Father’s love without a father?

My heart breaks knowing that daughters are missing out on a piece of life that was so vital to mine. My heart breaks knowing that these daughters have no control over it. We have no power over what family we are born into. But life isn't about circumstances, its about attitude. Our life is what we make it and how we react to it. We may not be able to have control over the curves in the road ahead, but how we deal with the wide rights and sharp lefts, that is what direction we will go in. They say that girls marry like their fathers, and guys marry like their mothers.

Show them who that is.

*one of the rules in my house that my dad shoved in our faces: “keep your pants on. if you do that, we eliminate a lot of problems.”

Me and my Pops at my graduation.

What now?

I desire change.
I want to go back.
I yearn for Revival.

I desire change in every way. I desire to see change in my life, in this town, in the church, in my friends, in this Godless world. I desire to see a change that will spark us to wake up. I desire for us to stop living amongst the mountain of dry bones, but to cry out “Live!” I desire for the change to start now.

I want to go back to where it all started. I want Acts days where people gathered together in their homes and were forced to be all or nothing-there was no middle. I want to go back to why we do this. I want to go back to how we do this. We do this because we live in a fallen realm ruled by the powers of Darkness and his followers. We do this by the all consuming power of the Holy Spirit that is working is us. I want the power that raised Jesus Christ from the grave to be erupting in us. I want to go back to the basics: Father, Spirit Son.

I yearn for a Revival. I yearn to see churches coming together instead of moving apart. I yearn for a “Jesus movement” to happen in my generation. I yearn for homeless and helpless to be fed and made full. For people who are seeking to find. A revival where we all work as one to shake the roots of this world. A revival that reminds us that this is not home.

A comeback. A vision. A passion.

Think eternal

(from Leonard Ravenhill's "When Revival Tarries")
There are 9 million refuges in Korea, homeless and starving.
There are millions in India that sit in darkness and the shadows of
spiritual and physical death haunt them.
There are 1 million Arab refuges that roam the Middle East.
There are 11 million "displaced persons" in Europe who have no where to go.
There are 1/3 million escapes in communist China living in
squatters' huts through out Hong Kong.
There are 15 million Jews who don't realize that their freedom is
just beyond the wall that stops them.
There are 315 million Muslims.
There are 355 million Confucians and Taoists.
There are 255 million Hindus.
There are 90 million Shintoists.

And Millions more....

Who is ready for a Revival?

Finally

"How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him who bring the good news, who proclaims peace, who brings glad tidings, who proclaims salvation, who says to Zion 'Your God reigns!' "

Isaiah 52:7